The landscape of modern manhood is undergoing a dramatic and often perilous transformation; a topic dissected in depth on the MENtality with Ebuka show. Host Ebuka Obi-Uchendu guided an "open honest talk" with media icon IK Osakioduwa and Menisms podcast hosts Sonariwo on Deck and Murewa, focusing on the challenges faced by "young boys" and the "next generation". Obi-Uchendu introduced the conversation with a "quite eye opening" global statistic from Date Psychology (2023): 45% of men aged 18 to 25 report that they have "never approached a woman in person for dating". This data indicates a growing "culture of dating online or not dating at all," with the latter being the primary concern for Obi-Uchendu.
This shift toward digital-only interaction is fueling "incel culture," which Obi-Uchendu noted is starting to "sip in here" in Nigeria. He observed this trend on social media, marked by what appears to be a "dislike or hate for dating for women".
The panelists linked this withdrawal to the "illusion of a safe space" provided by social media, where rejection feels like "just words" that can be quickly overcome, allowing men to "easily shoot shots" and immediately move on to other contacts. This contrasts sharply with the previous generation, which was "trained in rejection" and had to "muster up the nerve" for in-person approaches, facing the pressure of public rejection.
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Ebuka Obi-Uchendu expanded the discussion to the wider dangers of the digital world, noting that what was once a harmless social platform has evolved into a toxic "mob marketplace". In this environment, people seek to "go viral by insulting somebody or throwing words at somebody," a phenomenon that he believes creates word wounds "as damaging as physical wounds". He cited the "manosphere" as a reaction to this environment, offering havens for those who cannot handle rejection by propagating the extreme view that women are the problem. Obi-Uchendu specifically pointed to the "Agbafians," a movement on Twitter led by a figure who, despite claiming not to be misogynistic, repeatedly focuses on the narrative that "women are the problem".
Beyond online toxicity, the host addressed the external pressures placed on young men, particularly the economic inadequacy and lack of role models contributing to mental health crises. Obi-Uchendu shared a "crazy" finding that suicide is the "greatest killer of men under 50 in the UK," linking this to the modern timeline being a "feed" that exposes young people to the selected "highlights that other people choose to show you". This perpetual comparison drives depression, anxiety, and "unrealistic expectations of beauty or success". Furthermore, he noted global data suggesting that "more girls are attending schools more than guys," citing the staggering ratio of 12 women to one man at Howard University, which raises the question of "who are all of these educated empowered women going to marry".
In his final thoughts, Ebuka Obi-Uchendu admitted his deep concern and "fear" for the generation being birthed into this world. He stressed the difficulty of protecting his own young sons from the algorithm, noting that the "addiction to the dopamine" provided by social apps makes the children's "development" period a dangerous time when they will eventually "be left to face this algorithm alone". He concluded the episode by emphasizing the vital need for mentorship and positive role models, noting that young boys "resent it" when adults talk to them or at them, preferring to be talked with. Obi-Uchendu wrapped the conversation by appreciating the necessity of these dialogues, stressing that the world needs to hear "enough of these conversations" about manhood.
