MENtality with Ebuka ft: Banky W, Alex Ikemefuna & Johnny Drille

A "soulful conversation" on the complexities of love, vulnerability, and modern manhood brought together Ebuka Obi-Uchendu (host), co-host Banky Wellington (Banky W), creative consultant Alexander Ikemefuna (Alex), and singer-songwriter and artist Johnny Drille. They explored what it truly means for men to commit and show up in relationships with "truth and tenderness". This discussion, part of a "MENtality" series, aimed to be an open and honest conversation among men about relationships, marriage, and dating.

For Johnny Drille, marriage, which began in January 2022, was driven by a need for partnership and the desire to "build a life" with his spouse. He admitted he was not "even financially ready" at the time, which Ebuka noted countered the consensus that men must make money before marriage. Drille explained that despite the popular belief that marriage distracts an artist or alienates female fans, his career trajectory has remained positive, making it the opposite of the common assumption. The biggest impact of marriage has been on time management, as he and his wife, who is "just as busy," must prioritize time together for their daughter. Drille shared that even an intense fight with his wife brought a new perspective, forcing him to realize he is "figuring out stuff about [her] every day" and learning new things about himself, ultimately making them "better versions of ourselves for each other". He maintains that his focus on making "really good music" sustains his fan base, rather than branding himself as "the ladies' man".

Alexander Ikemefuna provided a contrasting perspective, explaining his single status is due to "worry" rather than fear. This "worry" is fueled by seeing the experiences of others, including married people who admit they would not have wed if they knew what commitment entailed. Alex is concerned about the "risk factor" of finding a partner unwilling to match or complement his desire to grow within the commitment. He has been "close enough" to marriage, having "got the rings" and met families, but behavioral patterns and the refusal of the other person to make compromises led him to step back. He insists he looks forward to "misunderstandings" as a learning process if love and respect are present. Although he is open to marriage, Alex stated he is "not looking" for it, feeling he has done "much more and better by himself".

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Ebuka Obi-Uchendu introduced the challenging topic of economic power balance, questioning how a man's ego handles a situation where the woman becomes the prime provider. Drille confirmed that his wife brought in "a lot more than I did" to make their wedding work, reflecting that a "healthy amount of ego is good" as it pushes a man to measure up, but not to the point of dependency. In their home, finances are not consciously tracked; they focus on keeping the household running, with Drille handling utilities, cars, and the house, while his wife manages the baby's feeding and the nanny.

Banky Wellington noted that statistics show many mothers are the primary breadwinners, but this is often protected by the man's ego, with wives sometimes discreetly slipping money to their husbands to maintain appearances in public. Drille highlighted the "idealistic patriarchy mindset" prevalent in Nigerian culture, citing instances where people greet the man and ignore his wife, or where domestic staff insist on reporting only to the male head of the household. Alex shared a story of a driver his wife hired who resigned because "Madame doesn't talk to him well," demonstrating a mindset where some men "can't answer to a woman".

Reflecting on his own marriage of ten years, Ebuka stressed that commitment is key. He recalled a period of tension where he realized he was speaking his love language (acts of service) rather than his wife’s (quality time and words of affirmation). He concluded that marriage forces partners to "learn who your partner is [and] learn who you are". Banky W strongly argued that marriage is "not for everybody," noting that for those for whom it is, it is a key part of "fulfilling purpose" and is the "best character-building institution that exists on earth". Marriage breaks down defenses and forces men to learn empathy for a partner "worth fighting for and building for". Alex, while not married, concluded that whether in marriage or long-term commitment, kindness and empathy are the two key requirements, and the main decision must be to "build an empire with your partner".

The panel agreed that there is far more nuance to modern relationships than the "loudest" extremes seen on social media. The final consensus was that being self-aware and knowing what works for you, whether married or single, does not make you "any less of a man".